Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day

Ugh.

Dear Barbra,
You're Jewish, right?
Warmly,
Jen

Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day

I hate this song. It doesn't matter who sings it. But poor little Taylor doesn't even realize its supposed to be sexy... its like no one told her what it was about... bless her heart (that's Southern for "dumb bitch")

Mi Tannenbaum

O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
I brought you in myself
O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
Your needles sting like hell

I decoRATE you with such care
With Santa HOmer and some flair

O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
How lovely are your branches!

Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day

I enjoy good holiday music.  I HATE bad holiday music. HAAAAAAAAAAAATE.

Like this boring, canned crappiness featuring the wackiest, whack-job Canadian of all time...



 "We're just getting hot... oooooooh."  No, you're not, Celine.  No you're not.

Waiting in the valley...

Last night at work, a lady handed me her Mary Kay business card with a little note on the back that said, "Thank you Jen for taking such great care of us.  I'd like to offer you a 15% discount on any products blah blah blah..." and was signed "Billie Sue" or some equally cliche mountain name.  Then, after some pleasant thank yous, they left and I picked up the check off of the table, and they had left me $3 on almost $40.  Ok, guess what... if you grossly under-tip me, WHY THE HELL would I help you out by buying Mary Kay from you?!  If you are going to market your business at restaurants, you PROBABLY will do better if you don't piss people off with your cheapness.

And also, your bratty kids made a damn mess.

so there.

Gym culture shock

Many are aware of my social retardation, but going to the gym is forcing me to work through some of my phobias...

1. Skinny People- Very scary.  With their health, and their carefree awesomeness... very scary.
2. Locker Rooms- Locked doors full of mystery... naked ladies EVERYWHERE.  Terrifying.
3. Small Talk- I smile and I'm friendly, but... well, headphones help.
4. Half-Naked Small Talk- I can't wear my headphones into the shower, can I?  I just don't like chatting in my skivvies.  Ask my husband.
5. Public Nakedness- No explanation necessary.
6. Showering with Shoes On- I just feel like I've left something else on.  I swear I checked 4 times to make sure my underwear wasn't still on.

Luckily, my wonderful husband's craziness took us to a gym where its mostly old people and people who need some kind of rehabilitation.  At least that helps with numbers 3-5.  Working out AND social phobia therapy... all in one!!! Yayyy!!!!!!!!!!

Heavy Breathing

Gym Membership?  Check.
New Shoes?  Check.
Motivation? Half-Check.

Virginia Jen's new life begins today.