Looking for a teaching job has been a struggle. The original struggle was deciding that I WANTED a teaching job again... the new struggle has been finding jobs to apply for. Not all schools have music anymore. The teachers who have the good jobs hang onto them. I tried last year, but was limited to my area, and there was next to nothing here. The people who probably got the 2 or 3 jobs advertised last year within an hour radius, probably knew someone in the school district. This year, with an expanded search parameter, and a little more drive, I have a little more hope that something could happen. Especially since today, I actually got a call for an interview.
And I am TERRIFIED. I am a nervous interview anyway...but this is heavy. A teaching job would really save us right now. We need the steady income. We need the insurance. I need to not work in a crappy restaurant in a crappy town. I need to be doing something important. One might say that I am desperate. I definitely feel a little desperate.
My 35 year-old, practical self sometimes wishes that I never left my teaching job 8 years ago. My 35 year-old self also knows that my life would be way different if that happened. I wouldn't have moved back to Chicago and worked at Old Town and played my open mic Wednesdays and met all of these people who will be my friends forever. I wouldn't have worked at Barcelona and met my crazy Mexican family and expanded my understanding of food and the world. I probably wouldn't have married my husband... my beautiful, crazy husband... our relationship needed a lot of time to mature and attention that, if I had had a regular job, it would not have gotten.. it would probably not have survived.
So I have to live without regret. I have to believe that the choices I made have worked out for the best. Because they HAVE. And now, going back to teaching will give me the things I want next which are babies and security and work with purpose. My 27 year-old self did not know it would be this hard to find a job if or when she decided to go back.... but she was an idiot.
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