The Ultimate Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day (for Carrie...)

Alright kids. Get out your hankies. I saved this for last because it is crazy. Any bad Christmas song list usually has this as its number 1.

Enjoy.



So the story is a real tearjerker from a TV movie that I'm sure my lady ass would end up crying at. But the VIDEO... featuring the future hall of famers "Newsong"... the video parts of it are most disturbing. With creepy red scarf guy belting his little heart out and his 4 creepy friends just lurking around him. Weeeeiiiird. I understand that they're a "band" (I guess) and they didn't want to leave them out even though they do NOTHING in the whole song... but come on.

Maybe they're the voices in the children's chorus at the end...

Anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS, friends. I'm going to have to find something else to write about...

Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day

I'm sorry.  Travel has gotten me off track.  But here's a doozy for you-




First things first...
Christian is not a 3 syllable word!  For real... whose idea was that?

My other problems include, but are not limited to, the following...

• Weird solo in the break??? someone singing??
• Crazy magna-doodle graphics
• Ha. Dramatic gong banging. Ha. Ha. Ha.
• Wacky swaying dance at the end...

feel free to add your own comments. There are so many awesome things about this song, but the video really is also a conversation piece.

Merry Christmas.
:)

Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day

Nothing says Christmas like a really sexy, breathy tune about the birth of baby Jesus.



I love how Jess throws away the ends of phrases and just makes crazy words (or lapses into babytalk) instead of just FINISHING AND SINGING THE RIGHT VOWELS!!! "When Christ was bown?" "Manjah?"

The video direction is not helping her either. The close up shots of her delicately fingering the mic stand or brushing her hands up against her body are not very... well, holy.

Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day

Well, this is just lazy on my part...

but here's the mellow sounds of the sax...



(what's also fun on most of these crappy crap fests is to read the comments on you tube of the people who actually like it...yikes.)

Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day (for Julia...)

Um...ok. Wilson Phillips has a new Christmas album out. 15-20 years ago this would have been very exciting to me. The horrible (I think) "original" tune on the album, "Warm Lovin' Christmastime" was not on you tube. But how about a live performance of a Christmas classic...




I appreciate the idea: Ladies. 3-part harmony. Holiday cheer. And its fine. Almost all of the notes are there. But it is labored. And lame. And Robin Roberts is scarily singing along. And it feels like it could fall apart at any second. And Chynna needs the key to be lowered. And Carnie is standing like she's about to drop a load on the stage. And Carnie... lets NOT scat.

Remember Carnie's talk show?

Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day

Ugh.

Dear Barbra,
You're Jewish, right?
Warmly,
Jen

Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day

I hate this song. It doesn't matter who sings it. But poor little Taylor doesn't even realize its supposed to be sexy... its like no one told her what it was about... bless her heart (that's Southern for "dumb bitch")

Mi Tannenbaum

O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
I brought you in myself
O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
Your needles sting like hell

I decoRATE you with such care
With Santa HOmer and some flair

O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
How lovely are your branches!

Horrible Awful Christmas Song of the Day

I enjoy good holiday music.  I HATE bad holiday music. HAAAAAAAAAAAATE.

Like this boring, canned crappiness featuring the wackiest, whack-job Canadian of all time...



 "We're just getting hot... oooooooh."  No, you're not, Celine.  No you're not.

Waiting in the valley...

Last night at work, a lady handed me her Mary Kay business card with a little note on the back that said, "Thank you Jen for taking such great care of us.  I'd like to offer you a 15% discount on any products blah blah blah..." and was signed "Billie Sue" or some equally cliche mountain name.  Then, after some pleasant thank yous, they left and I picked up the check off of the table, and they had left me $3 on almost $40.  Ok, guess what... if you grossly under-tip me, WHY THE HELL would I help you out by buying Mary Kay from you?!  If you are going to market your business at restaurants, you PROBABLY will do better if you don't piss people off with your cheapness.

And also, your bratty kids made a damn mess.

so there.

Gym culture shock

Many are aware of my social retardation, but going to the gym is forcing me to work through some of my phobias...

1. Skinny People- Very scary.  With their health, and their carefree awesomeness... very scary.
2. Locker Rooms- Locked doors full of mystery... naked ladies EVERYWHERE.  Terrifying.
3. Small Talk- I smile and I'm friendly, but... well, headphones help.
4. Half-Naked Small Talk- I can't wear my headphones into the shower, can I?  I just don't like chatting in my skivvies.  Ask my husband.
5. Public Nakedness- No explanation necessary.
6. Showering with Shoes On- I just feel like I've left something else on.  I swear I checked 4 times to make sure my underwear wasn't still on.

Luckily, my wonderful husband's craziness took us to a gym where its mostly old people and people who need some kind of rehabilitation.  At least that helps with numbers 3-5.  Working out AND social phobia therapy... all in one!!! Yayyy!!!!!!!!!!

Heavy Breathing

Gym Membership?  Check.
New Shoes?  Check.
Motivation? Half-Check.

Virginia Jen's new life begins today.